Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
