No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
