We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
