You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
