I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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