Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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