I met the friendliest cop last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
