In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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