They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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