Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
