I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
