My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think my mom watched the whole time
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
