It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
well you can't waste a boner
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
