I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So many bounce houses so little time
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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