im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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