I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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