Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
