I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize