The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
