DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
