I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
