god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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