Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she peed on how many people?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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