I cockslap morals
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
cat food counts as protein by the way
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
