It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
