I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
