omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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