A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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