It's like a parade of train wrecks.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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