Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
