Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
