One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
