I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
