you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we should paint friendship bongs
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