I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
