his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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