Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
farters have to be the big spoon...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
