i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
