I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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