My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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