i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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