I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
