Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
