Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
