My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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