thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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