my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
