After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
