3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
