I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
