Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
