I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
