do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
