Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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