I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
