i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
