I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I love you.
Bad choice
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