omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
