he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
