I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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