Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
