Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
