she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
