my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
