addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize