Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
