this boner is exhausting
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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