I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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