after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
