Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
