i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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