my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
