I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
