so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
