Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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