If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
