don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
